As I walk away with my head in shame…
I started a fully raw vegan diet the other day, only to come to the conclusion that I had really made a few huge mistakes when I started.
P.S. this is not an entire complaint about the diet itself but rather a struggle of misunderstanding that I had with myself. Do not torture yourself into hating something good. There is always another way!
First, I never took into consideration my breastfeeding calories, so this left me consistently hungry. I knew I was doing something wrong. I knew I shouldn’t be hungry, but it was as if no matter what I ate, I was hungry about ten second later. (Mind you, I tried to start on the most strict diet of only fruits and veggies, no nuts to peanut butters, no grains.. ) Not to mention, even though I wanted to strictly eat just fruits and veggies, i live in Michigan, and the amount of FRESH and RIPE fruits and veggies I want to eat at once, is not available to me. ( I never took into consideration that I may have to wait a couple of days for my fruits to be fully ripe in order for them to even taste good, and more importantly for my body to be able to digest them. That was my first No. No.
Second, it is started to get unpleasantly cold outside, and this just means, that when I am drinking a smoothie with already cold toes it makes it that much more NON-motivating. Did I mention it was cold?
Lastly, I didn’t even think about the fact that we have a very demanding schedule so we are constantly on the road. Its a little hard to make a smoothie or salad when were on the road, and since we live in Michigan, where beautiful fruit trees DONT grow, its a little hard to just find fresh ripe produce anywhere you go. Or else I would have went raw vegan a long time ago.
So needless to say, my first day went well. Not without struggle though, I do have to admit that I found myself wrapped in blankets on the couch shivering in the 67 degree weather with a sad un-planned salad thinking about a warm bowl of soup. I made it though, I completed the entire day eating only fruits and veggies. No nuts, not nut butter, no gluten, no beans, no nothing. The second day however, we had two large family events to go to neither which had anything remotely vegan. Not even a fruit bowl or veggie platter. So earlier in the day I was able to accommodate and find myself a tropical smoothie. I got a smoothie with mango and banana and no added sugar which mind you, was terribly watered down. I might as well have been drinking a mango infused water/slushie.
Once dinner came around and we had to drive straight to another event in which they were serving Italian food and pizza I had no other choice but to sit and stare and eat a sad (and I mean very sad) side salad. Five red onion slices, one half of a SLICE of tomato and three small cucumbers on the plate… and a terribly, terrible raspberry vinaigrette. It is these times that call for desperate measures. The smell of pizza and breadsticks filled the air with its warm gooey goodness and I found myself nearly crying inside. My tummy grumbled. (In something I would like to believe was a loud dissatisfaction of what I had just allowed to be “dinner”.) and then it came down to this.
If I still had a plan on breastfeeding after all of this then I needed to do something about keeping up a milk supply and eating a watered down salad was not going to cut it.
At this point my stomach is grumbling, I am HANGRY and I am also giving in.
I didn’t see this as a point of just weakness but as a learning lesson. I had jumped into this diet without a full plan.
…Yes I gave in. I ordered a side of plain French fries. Oh and a decaf coffee. I did not participate in the pizza. (Mostly because all of the pizza had meat and cheese on it.) but I did break my raw food streak. In fact I think I might have disappointed myself more than anyone else and it was hard for me to admit that I had failed at a goal I had set for myself and it had only been two days. Ashamed and embarrassed I am still visually hanging my head down low.
But, I will not let this moment of sadness get the best of me. Instead let this be a learning lesson to myself not to be so strict on myself when in fact Andrew Williams had said there are many ways to do a cleanse and everyone is different. So, I have decided to slow things down a bit. No gluten, No dairy, No meat and no sugar, but for the sake of breastfeeding my son and keeping a supply up, I am going to continue to add in the beans, grains, nuts and seeds. One day I hope that I can gain the strength to do a fully raw fruit and veggie diet for an entire week, but for now, I need the grains and beans to keep myself satisfied and to keep the milk supply up and me not giving in to any hangry last decisions.
If there was one thing I did learn from the last few days about living in a completely NON-Tropical area. It is that, it is really hard to try to find fresh fruits and veggies everywhere I go to keep up with the amount that I need to be eating, however, that cannot stop me from still eating healthy. And on another note. I think I have finally found out what upsets my stomach by accident and gluten may be the culprit.
So to the future, with a better plan and a greater insight, I will continue to eat no gluten, no dairy, no eggs, no cheese, no oil and no sugar. and a MOSTLY raw diet until dinner! More greens less Browns!
As I continue this journey, I will document again my success and struggles, as I too, am a human being and we all need to be prided by our strengths. Not our failures and weaknesses.
To all of my committed and wonderful followers and readers…
Stay tuned. (: